Hi, this is Wayne again with a topic “A Video I Never Should Have Had To Make”.
In this article, i really don’t even know where, to start and in all honesty, i almost just stopped making videos all together because of something that happened now, for those of you guys who follow the channel have been following the channel. You know that my cameraman has been jesus. Jesus bueno has been my assistant and working with me for, like the fast. The excuse me, i can’t even say it the fast. It went by really fast the past 15 years. He, actually, you know, helped form tech of tomorrow. With me, jonathan morrison kind of came up with the idea when we broke away from motherboards.org at first.
You know this site was just supposed to be an experimental site to make the people at motherboards.org realize that you know that we could do things outside you know of their control, and jesus was with me literally every day through all of my amputations. Through everything, that’s happened to me: health-wise he was someone who was more than just an employee and a friend he became family and i haven’t really been able to make videos. In fact, i really don’t even know if i would even really want to make videos anymore at all, because the people who have been dedicated and followed me through all these years. I will come back and make videos, but jesus bueno died last sunday of a massive heart attack and it’s weird because the way that he died, he had an enlarged heart and honestly the guy did have a big heart. His passing away has hurt me really deeply. All week long, i have just literally been in just a drugged out alcohol state. I’Ve just been drinking and smoking and doing everything i can to deal with the pain of this like i’ve, never had somebody, this close to me die and die under such type of circumstances. Where there’s no funeral, nobody got to really say goodbye. I didn’t get to say goodbye to somebody.
I literally had just talked to him a few days before that, and luckily, in that conversation i got to tell him how much he really meant to me as a person as a friend and as an employee who worked for me, and this is like heartbreaking – i I just i don’t even really know what to do, because all the time i just keep thinking okay, i’m gon na call up my buddy g and we’re gon na. You know have a good conversation and talk about things, and we were even talking about me. Going back to los angeles, you know i moved here to kentucky temporarily just so you know to pass the covet, but i was going to go back and we were talking about getting the team back together me him and anthony and doing what we’re doing and then All of a sudden, i got a phone call from one of his cousins last sunday and they told me that jesus died of a heart attack and it just it literally blew me away. I i just there’s this. I can’t even really come up with the words for how i feel right now it’s a different kind of hurt than i’ve ever felt before i’ve lost cats in the past.
I’Ve lost some acquaintances in the past, but never something like this and what’s really really weird, is that it comes in multiples, because once i found out that jesus passed away, we found out that another person that we were friends with named artie mcfly had passed away As well he’s the person a long time ago that we gave our red dawn computer system to and then literally the next day after all this, i watched my neighbor’s dog, get killed in front of my house, had to take their dog up to their daughter and Hand their daughter, a dead dog like i don’t even know, i didn’t even know what to say to this poor girl. You know i’ve got her dead dog, that’s been hit hit by this car and i have to walk it up to her door, and the only question she asks me is: why is the dog so stiff? It’S just a lot of death at a lot of times, and jesus death makes the pinnacle of everything i just i’m having trouble even figuring out how to go on. I know that the last couple – videos that i’ve made were utter. I’M sorry about that. I just i don’t really have it in me right now, i’m struggling to like make these videos. I mean i had moved past. You know working with anthony and jesus when i came back because i had no one to help me and i just had to learn how to do everything. So thank god that jonathan morrison and travis senior have been helping me.
Otherwise, i’d be just completely utterly screwed, but in my heart right now i just i really don’t want to make videos, and if i don’t, then i won’t be able to pay my rent or do anything else. So the situation is just it’s really kind of untenable. At the moment, i just don’t really know what to do. I consider jesus to be a death in the family. He was more, like i said, than just a friend like we’ve gone to the ces, shows for like the last 11 years in a row before this stuff hit. We always went to the shows.
We always did cool things together me him and anthony have been a tight-knit group anthony built the systems i got. The parts did the video jesus put it all together, like we worked as a cohesive unit, and i just i right now – i’m i’m sorry, but i just don’t really. I don’t really know how to go forward. I don’t know how to go forward. I just don’t, even though, like i’ve been doing this on my own without him, knowing that he passed away like that, it’s just it’s been killing me inside and this video is just to really let you guys know what happened. It’S because you guys might be wondering what happened to me, or you know why things are the way they are right now, but that’s that’s the reason why um i’m just kind of lost at the moment.
I really don’t know what to do. My feelings are all tore up inside i’ve lost somebody who was a friend and family, and i mean that’s just it. You know no commercials, no bs, i’m just letting you guys know that you know somebody who was very important to me and very important to this channel who actually formed this channel with me in the beginning and helped me get along, has passed away. Jesus bueno was a good person.
He had a good heart. He never stole from anybody. He didn’t lie to people. He was generally just a big giant teddy bear type of a guy who was super duper nice.
I never met a person in my entire life ever that didn’t like jesus bueno, never met a person, my daughter, she fell in love with him, she’s she’s. She is a person who’s. You know it’s her relationship, she’s she’s with the she has a um.
Sorry, i’m like she has a wife and, like i know that even her she really liked jesus like even more than just like you know, just more than her normal, like you know, relationship that he had just she has with her wife. She really liked jesus. She loved him.
This is the kind of person that he is he’s the kind of person i try to make a joke he’s the kind of person who would turn a gay girl straight. I mean he really is. He was a really sweet super guy and i i’m sorry i break up in this article, but it’s just been really hard for me.
I just don’t know really what to do, and so, if you guys are wondering why i like having to make any videos or why you haven’t seen my face, you guys can see i’m unshaven i’m on everything like on the channel. I just really haven’t been taking care of myself kind of just drowning. You know, and a bunch of sorrow, they’ve tried to give me these well butrin willow, butrin pills, to like help me with depression.
They did nothing but just make me feel like i wanted to sleep, so i’m not doing any of that. I’M just going to face this stuff completely straightforward. Now, i’d stop drinking and partying. I’Ve just got my head back together and hopefully here in the future.
I’Ll be able to make you know, videos again and come back to the channel, but right now it’s really hard to smile. It’S really hard to be happy. I wasn’t able to say goodbye to my friend no funeral whatsoever, so no real closure at all couldn’t even really get an autopsy. This things in california are really bad.
I guess people, you know one in p, one in five people are dying and people still don’t wear mask it. Just blows my mind like you know. I know we’re all americans and we have freedoms here. But when you start taking your freedom to the point where you don’t even wear a mask whatsoever, you don’t care about anybody else.
It’S just a mask. You know and people there, just don’t a lot of them. Don’T seem to want to wear it here. We’Re in kentucky i get the same thing i go out and people just don’t wear a mask. You know just like off subject, but, but still so many people have died in california that no autopsies no funerals, they basically cremated jesus and we’re hoping that a couple of months down the line from now we’re going to see a funeral and at that time i’m Actually, preparing a very well put together, video that we’re working with other friends, which will be a memorial to jesus bueno, where we’ll talk about his life, his family and show pictures of all the stuff that we did and all these other things you know about him And dedicate that video to him also, i want to say now that any videos that i do make for the rest of the year i dedicate to my friend, jesus bueno i’ll mention him in every video for the rest of the year um. This has been a heavy loss for us, a heavy loss for me, a heavy loss for his family.
My thoughts, prayers and condolences go out to everybody who knew and loved jesus because we’re all suffering from this – and you know a lot of people – have really just closed up and don’t even want to talk about it or anything else, but talking about it really does Help talking and remembering him and the good things that he did helped you know just to to keep his memory alive in a good positive way. So that’s it folks! So if you’re wondering where i’m at what i’m doing, i’m grieving i’m grieving for jesus bueno, someone who meant more to me than i even ever knew until the day he passed away – and i realized i’d, never be able to talk to my friend, see my friend Share a laugh with my friend a hug with my friend anything ever again. God bless all you people out there. If you have people in their lives, you passed away and you love them. Then you know the pain i’m going through i’ll try to be back. I just don’t know exactly when you .