Hi, this is Wayne again with a topic “Reflecting on the Color of My Skin”.
What’S up guys marquez here? First of all, i’ve wrestled with like what to even say about any of all of this i mean there’s so much going on right now. The global pandemic, of course, um the chaos and leadership in this country and, of course, the the protests going on about police brutality against black people in america. It’S a lot um! I was inspired to at least share this by neil degrasse tyson and his post of the same name. So i’ll link it below go, read it. It’S really good, it’s thoughtful and it sheds a lot of light on his experience.
Um. I read it because i was curious about his experience and i feel like uh. It inspired me to share my experience just because it might be useful for the same reason. So, first of all, i’m a tech youtuber. I make videos about tech. I’Ve been doing this since i was 15 years old, so, like you know, in the the bedroom of my parents, house and i’ve been lucky enough to be able to turn this thing that i love to do into a job. But, of course, as i’ve done this and as i’ve built this for the past decade, plus it’s come with all sorts of unintentional consequences and and new things that go with it, whether it’s hiring decisions or management decisions or ethics questions just a whole bunch of other Things come with being able to make that your job, but also, if we just rewind the clock back before you know before i even started any of this before the videos and all that stuff. I’Ve been lucky enough to have amazing parents that supported me and encouraged me to try new things and experiment to find the things i like and then would support when i would latch onto things and for me, none of these things started with anything to do with The color of my skin, it was, it was luckily literally just things i was super interested in and the longer i’d stayed in these things and the more i’d got rooted in these communities and these activities, the more it would start to come up so for context.
I’Ve been an avid golfer since i was 10 years old uh i’ve been an ultimate frisbee player since before high school at a professional and club level, and i’m a tech youtuber i make videos, so it was. It was an escape basically to be able to bury myself in my work and these activities as a way to like isolate myself from all the rest of what was going on around the world, because at the end of the day, as soon as it’s over. As soon as i leave as soon as i drive home as soon as i’m driving it snaps you back to reality where, like you, could be pulled over for nothing basically or because we don’t see that type of car around here or just anything stupid.
That would sort of bring you back to that frustrated place. I have stories about encounters with the police. My friends have stories, but at the same time i have police officers in my family and i know police officers who are also frustrated with all the same stuff.
That’S going on, but the point is, things are different. First of all, i’m not a 15 year old anymore, i’m an adult, and second, i have this platform now, where you know – and there are plenty of others like me – that also have a platform where they can share and express support for what they believe in and And whether it’s these issues or any issues that pertain to what they believe in and with that there’s always the the staying, your lane stick to tech people. You always see that where it’s like okay, i get it like.
I always say my first rule is when picking a role model. I have a very narrow definition of what i look up to someone for and it’s for what they’re good at. So when i was playing golf.
For example, i looked up to tiger woods. The golfer, you know – and i looked up to kobe bryant, the competitor, but it gets to a certain point where silence or just where we’re not speaking up for the issues that are plaguing our community feels worse. I’D rather speak up, but here’s another point of reflection. So being able to bear myself in my work, you know as competitive as i am trying to to be the best at something or just get better at something.
That by itself was almost enough of a distraction. To forget that i am usually the only black person in the room almost enough, but not completely. You know you can probably imagine my parents as i’m growing up but they’re learning like oh, he likes golf all right, sweet and then finding these really nice diverse golf camps, renaissance junior golf shout out to them. I loved going there every single time, um or learning you know he likes ultimate frisbee, all right, cool, great, the school has a team and that by itself i recognize is a privilege in itself that not everybody has but slowly, you know things change and slowly you Get to this this place, where at a high level golf doesn’t have much diversity. You know at a high level.
Ultimate frisbee is not very diverse. At a high level. Tech is not very diverse, so the spotlight sort of reappears on the color of your skin, and i realized that i’d kind of basically shied away from this spotlight too, even though it’s a good spotlight like i was proud of it, i can, and it was something To wear with pride, but at the same time it was like weirdly in the way where you could never just be one of the better frisbee players.
You would be the good black frisbee player you, instead of just being one of the best black creators. I wanted to be one of the best creators period, so it’s just just this weird conflicting place where you want to be proud of it, but also be able to be alongside it at the same time. You know. I remember like several instances where i would like accomplish a goal or i’d make a high-end team, and i was super proud of it, but then i would like that spotlight would appear again and i’d start to second-guess that where i’m like did i make this team Because i’m good enough – or did i make this team because they, you know, i have this platform and they want to take advantage of that. Or did i make it this team because i’m black and they just want to make sure they have a black person? And i’m looking around like well, they got one, but you know suddenly, i’m second guessing myself like am i am i good enough to make this team. I don’t know, but i think at least for me understanding that i put that mental hurdle in my own head that that’s something worth sharing, that’s not something everybody has to think about, but here’s the bottom line, here’s here’s the message.
I posted something a couple days ago about how everyone uses their voice and and their potential platform differently. Some people silently donate and work behind the scenes. Some people use their voice and their platform to inspire change, but i want to use this platform.
I have right now in this moment for two things: one to share the message that not only is racism obviously unacceptable, but we actually have to actively work against it and there’s always somehow people like twisting that making it political making it like a two-sided thing. I don’t understand how being anti-racist can possibly be controversial in any way, and if it is for you, then you should probably leave. I have no problem with losing racist followers.
That’S fine! That’S something! I take a stand on, but number two. I want to try to be something to look up to for kids like the 15 year old me. You know to kids that want to be able to look at a high level of something and see someone that looks like them, making the right choices and finding success. That’S what i want to try to be. You know i don’t i try not to ask for too much like i’ve. Had people really nice people reaching out, like you know, seeing what’s going on in the world like what can i do to help reaching out and it’s great that they’re thinking that way and that’s positive, but i’m not the one that needs help.
It’S the organizations that are out there on the front lines and that are supporting the cause that need your donations right now, so i’ll leave a link below specifically, if you want to help in that way, but here’s something i will ask and something that’s in my World that i can actually speak to there’s a lot of threads going around about finding black creators and just following them supporting them – and that’s that’s great – that’s really positive, but make sure you follow them and support them, because you actually really like what they do. Some people might not know this, and i don’t even know if youtube would ever say it, but finding and subscribing to a new youtube channel and then not engaging and interacting with their content, actually sends a bad signal to youtube’s algorithms, where, if you just subscribe to A channel and never watch their stuff then youtube takes that as a flag that this stuff isn’t interesting and then makes it harder for that stuff to surface. So you know, flooding a channel with the numbers. Is a nice look, but it can actually bury that channel. So what i’m asking is, find a diverse group of creators and actually get into and enjoy what they’re, making the actual creation itself and why they’re a creator? That’S the best part of it. I’M gon na link some of my favorites below.
I encourage you guys if you have suggestions to link those in the comments down below and then, if you want, go through those and look through and find some of your favorite new creators that you can find and support in this way, the ones i’m gon na Link below are both people in tech that i’ve met from this awesome job and that do great stuff and also just others that i’ve also watched and enjoyed. So hopefully you can go through those and find stuff too, but look at the end of the day. There’S no, there are no easy answers.
Everyone has a different struggle. Everyone has different experiences. Hopefully my reflections can be useful to someone just looking to understand better, but just know that this whole social media thing can make. It feel like a very now thing like it feels feels like a very 20 20 thing. This is very now thing, maybe that’s because the short attention span of the internet – but this is of this – is an ongoing thing. This has been a thing, and this will continue to be a thing. We have to spread the message.
We have to be responsible and use our voices and we have to move the needle thanks for listening and i’ll catch. You guys in the next tech, video peace, .